12 ways to build your resilience
We’re all grieving something right now. Whether it’s the loss of freedom to roam about in public as we please, the forced physical distancing from loved ones, the inability to take a breather because now you’re having to parent and homeschool and work-from-home… the list goes on. For me, it’s been the abrupt loss of a job that I loved (and the relationships and impactful work that went along with it). Fortunately, I’ve been practicing daily grounding habits long before this trying time – and right now, leaning into them is keeping me strong. Here are my tips for building personal resilience. Practice one or more of them each day and watch a more resilient you emerge:
Feel, deal and heal. When you’re grieving, it’s important to acknowledge, experience and process your emotions. Doing so relieves stress on your body and mind, as your mental, emotional and physical selves are inextricably linked. Conversely, avoiding, repressing or glossing over what you’re feeling will keep you stuck, and may lead to depression or heightened anxiety. As the late, great Louise Hay once said: If you want to clean a house, you have to see the dirt. To process, find what works for you: journal, move your body, scream into a pillow, talk to a trusted friend or therapist. Processing your emotions is necessary for healing and moving forward. “E-motion” is energy in motion. Keep that energy flowing.
Bolster your sense of autonomy. When you’re feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty in the world, name 3 things out loud wherein you have a choice. Examples may be your calendar, your diet, movement, sleep habits, morning/evening routines, social interactions, music you listen to, your perspective. Say aloud to yourself: “Right now, I decide __________” and fill in the blank. Bonus points: act out that decision.
Shift your perspective. One characteristic of resilient people is their ability to see the best in any situation - no matter how bad the situation may be. A positive perspective is a choice - and if you choose it enough, it becomes a habit. Forced to stay home, and live alone? Think of all the sleep and reading you can catch up on. Live with others? You now have more opportunities to spend quality time with each other. Finding the gift in a situation transforms your state of mind, your ability to make decisions and move ahead.
Practice gratitude. Once you’ve shifted your perspective to what is good in your life, take it a step further and try this exercise at the end of the day:
Think back on the good things that occurred.
Write down 3 things that went well, and why they went well.
Meditate. Research shows meditation can decrease anxiety and rumination, increase focus, promote a sense of calm and boost feelings of optimism. Even 5 minutes of meditation a day can make a world of difference. Apps such as Headspace, Calm and Insight Timer can get you started if you need guidance.
Breathe intentionally. Anxiety occurs when we’re ruminating about the past or worrying about the future. When you’re present, you become calm. Practicing breathwork is a great way to get grounded in the present. A couple of exercises I’ve found helpful:
3 birthday candles & a slide. Inhale deeply through your nose. As you exhale, breathe through your mouth as if you’re blowing out birthday candles on a cake. Repeat 2 more times. Then, inhale deeply, and as you exhale, let out the sound “aaaaahhhh,” as if your voice is “going down a slide”.
Root down. Plant your feet flat on the floor, pressing the 4 corners of each foot down. As you take a deep breath in through your nose, imagine “breathing in” through your feet. As you exhale, visualize roots growing from your feet into the ground.
Practice compassion. Relieve stress by extending compassion toward yourself and others:
Meditate with a loving-kindness mantra such as, “May you be filled with calm, may you be well” while focusing on a specific person.
Do an act of kindness. Check on an elderly neighbor, donate money or time to a favorite cause, write a LinkedIn recommendation, unprompted, for a former coworker who is looking for work.
Ask for help. When you ask others for support, you open yourself to receiving abundance and healing. You also allow others the opportunity to give, which is healing for them. When you ask for and receive help, everyone benefits!
Move to music you love. Did you know dance significantly reduces anxiety? A 10-minute dance party works wonders for your body, mind and spirit. So, turn on those tunes and move like nobody’s watching!
Call upon your character strengths. Character strengths are the positive parts of your personality like kindness, curiosity and perseverance. Identifying and using your character strengths can help you enhance your overall well-being, build your resilience, bolster your confidence and strengthen your ability to overcome problems. The VIA Institute offers a free survey to help you identify your character strengths, and a guide with practical ways to leverage them in your work and personal lives. (See “References for Further Learning” below.)
Share your gifts. As you connect to your strengths, ask yourself: What do I have to offer the world? Contribute from that place. It needn’t be a grand gesture. You might be an empathetic listener, or great at making others laugh. If you have a musical talent, paint or write, share your works of art on social media. When you share your gifts, you strengthen your sense of purpose and inspire others.
Create something. Plato is credited with having said, “Necessity is the mother of invention.” I would add that creativity thrives in uncertain times. Given your current constraints, what is available to you now? Maybe you have the time to try a new recipe, practice drawing, sew your own mask or experiment with a new recipe in the kitchen. Lean into your resourcefulness. Leverage it for the emergence of things. Making something tangible can bring deep satisfaction and fulfillment.
What would you add to this list? Share in the comments!
“All stress is caused by being here, but wanting to be there.” - Eckhart Tolle
References for Further Learning
Read
The Power of Character Strengths: Appreciate and Ignite Your Positive Personality
The Ultimate Diet Plan for a Happier, Less-Stressed You
Listen
Man’s Search for Meaning (audiobook, available free with Audible’s 30-day trial)
Watch
2 Ways to Stop Stressing Yourself Out (video, 7 mins)
Building Resilience (free LinkedIn Learning course, 34 mins)
How to Move Ahead When Everything Sucks (video, 5 mins)
How to Write Your Way out of Feeling Stressed (video, 5 mins)
Do
5 Rhythms (dance it out Thursdays, 11am PST with others from around the world via livestream)
Self-Care for the Self-Quarantined (click the “new idea” button to see various activities)
The Science of Well-Being (enroll in Yale’s most popular online course for FREE!)
VIA Character Strengths Survey (take the free online assessment)